7 Who was really quite a nice woman except when she got mad,
8 Which made her look like aFlora Robson,
9 Until she was so irate that she insisted on beheading bOlivia De Havilland,
10 Unless it was cSir Walter Raleigh she beheaded,
11 Or maybe dPaul Scofield,
12 Except that he was beheaded by eRobert Shaw,
13 Unless it was fCharles Laughton,
14 Who was Queen Elizabeth's father,
15 And taught her everything he knew,
16 gEspecially the beheading part,
17 But not including the part about how to get married a whole bunch of times,
18 Which explains how Britain got to be so Great,
19 Way back when,
20 All except for the part about hShakespeare, of course,
21 Because there just won't ever be a great enough actor to play the greatest genius who ever lived,
22 Which will be kind of a shame for the motion-picture audience,
23 iNot to mention ironic,
24 Since they'd have a better chance to learn more about him if he'd been just a little bit less great,
25 Because Hollywood could do wonders with a slightly more human version of the Bard,
26 Who might be played by jRichard Burton,
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27 What with both of them being actors and pretty opinioniated to boot,
28 And who might be played by kAlec Guinness,
29 What with both of them occasionally playing female roles,
30 And who might be played by lRonald Colman,
31 What with both of them having such a flair for tragedy,
32 And who might be played by mPeter Ustinov,
33 What with both of them being playwrights,
34 And who might be played by nLeslie Howard,
35 What with both of them being so darned poetic and sensitive,
36 And who might be played by oJohn Gielgud,
37 What with both of them being so bald and wise,
38 And who might be played by pDavid Niven,
39 What with both of them being so sophisticated and mustachioed about everything,
40 And who might be played by qCary Grant,
41 What with both of them being so witty with words,
42 And who might be played by rGeorge Sanders,
43 What with both of them being as British as Stonehenge somehow,
44 And who might be played by sStephen Boyd,
45 What with both of them knowing so much about power and ambition,
46 And who might even be played by tCharles Boyer,
47 What with both of them being so romantic about love,
48 Except that nobody can have all of these great qualities,
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