15 And goes away,
16 Until he gets kidnapped by a aViking called Spartacus,
17 Played by bKirk Douglas,
18 Who is planning to sack cRome with a bunch of rebellious slaves,
19 Because he loves Jean Simmons so much,
20 Which explains why he gets so mad when he finds out that Tony Curtis loves her too,
21 Not to mention tying Tony up with a bunch of dcrabs crawling all over him,
22 While Kirk goes and gets crucified the eAppian Way,
23 fFor some reason,
24 Which makes Jean Simmons cry,
25 Thus proving who she really loved all along,
26 Even though Tony finally gets away from the crabs and goes to help the Poles fight against his own people,
27 Because he loves Jean so much,
28 Which doesn't cut any ice with his dad at all,
29 gAnd explains why Yul Brynner shoots Tony through the heart,
30 So that he doesn't get the girl in the end,
31 Or even a topknot.
CHAPTER 191 And there will also be great movies about the days when hknighthood was in flower,
2 iWhich will show everyone how much better things got after the barbarians settled down and became civilized,
3 Like in a movie called 'The Adventures of Ivanhood,'
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4 Stamng jRobert Taylor,
5 As the handsome young British knight who falls in love with a beautiful Jewess,
6 Played by kElizabeth Taylor,
7 Who is being pursued by the Sheriff of Nottingham,
8 Played by lBasil Rathbone,
9 Until she has to take refuge in mSherwood Forest,
10 Because nKing Richard the Lion-hearted is out of town,
11 oFor some reason.
12 Then, on the day of the great parchery contest,
13 qErrol Flynn gets captured,
14 And Basil tries to rburn Elizabeth Taylor at the stake,
15 Except that Ivanhood shows up at the last minute and fights the big duel with the sevil villain,
16 While all the Merry Men,
17 Including tAlan Hale,
18 uFree Errol and beat the tar out of the Sheriff's men,
19 Until Ivanhood rides into the sunset with vOlivia De Havilland,
20 wFor some reason.
CHAPTER 201 And there will also be movies about the great rush to make history during the xRenaissance,
2 Which will show everyone just how civilized things could get in great yEuropean nations like Britain,
3 Like in a movie called 'Queen Elizabeth, Queen of Scots,'
4 Which will be all about how zBette Davis beat the Spanish and made the Brits strong,
5 With the help of a pirate named aaErrol Flynn who sinks the bbSpanish Armada,
6 Not to mention whispering some sweet nothings to the queen,
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