8 At all,
9 aAs long as you remember a few simple guidelines.
CHAPTER 101 The most important thing to remember is that no matter how nasty they get,
2 bIt's you they trust,
3 More than anyone else, anyway,
4 Because they know that you're not rich,
5 Unless you're an elected official, that is,
6 cIn which case they know that you're going to get rich no matter what anyone does or says about it,
7 And a least you probably aren't as rich as the real scum of the earth,
8 dMeaning the kind of scum who run all the rich corporations and steal everybody's money all the time.
9 eAnd besides knowing that you're not rich,
10 They also know that you're not going to start a riot in their neighborhood,
11 Or hold up a liquor store,
12 Or rape their wife,
13 fBecause you work for the government,
14 Which means you can never ever be fired,
15 For any reason,
16 gUnless you're a policeman or a fireman or something essential like that,
17 hBecause the first guideline of working for the government is making sure that each and every paper-pushing bureaucrat has a job forever,
18 No matter what.
|
|
CHAPTER 111 In fact, this first guideline is so important that the second guideline is really just kind of an insurance policy for the first,
2 Being:
3 The answer to all complaints about the way the government does its job is the same,
4 iNamely, raising the taxes of the people who complain.
5 If people rant and rave about budget deficits,
6 Threaten to raise taxes.
7 If they object to higher taxes and start talking about waste in government,
8 Lay off some jpolice,
9 And some kfiremen,
10 And some lgarbage collectors,
11 Because the only reason people like that are on the government payroll in the first place is to be visible,
12 So "the people" will think they're getting something for their tax dollars, that is, something other than your mwhite Monte Carlo and your great pension plan,
13 And so "the people" will see that there's no alternative to a tax increase when police and firemen have to be laid off because neveryone else on the payroll is so indispensable.
CHAPTER 121 The other great thing about othis guideline is what happens if the people still refuse to raise taxes,
2 Because then it can't possibly be your fault when things get steadily worse.
3 After all, you told them you needed more taxes,
|