ULT. TONY'S CHAIN LETTER TO THE
SWARTHMORONS

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CHAPTER 1
1 aCiao, my friends!
2 I am sorry that I could not be with you in person,
3 For it is always a pleasure to engage in conversation with intellectual types such as you,
4 Who will one day be responsible for art and literature and poetry and other forms of serious creative expression,
5 As well as philosophy and political science and other forms of academic and rational inquiry.
6 How much I would have enjoyed taking tea with you,
7 And other things,
8 bBut I have too much pressing business in San Francisco and cannot spare the time just now,
9 So I am sending you this chain letter instead.

CHAPTER 2
1 Indeed, this letter represents a great opportunity,
2 And I am delighted to be able to share it with you,
3 Because if you do not break the cchain,
4 You will be in line to win a Nobel prize someday,
5 Or maybe a Pulitzer,
6 Or possibly even dtenure,
7 Depending on the exact nature of your desire.
8 Are you interested?
9 Good.
a.Ext.17.15
b.Ext.43.1
c.Swar.1.9
d.Ext.25.16-17
e.Ned.4.7
f.Ext.20.18
g.Swar.37.5
10 Let me explain how it all works.

CHAPTER 3
1 The chain begins with eHarry,
2 With whose words you may or may not be familiar.
3 It is time that you understood the import of his teachings,
4 And prepared yourselves to follow his way,
5 For your efforts to preserve the chain will avail you nothing if you do not follow the Way of Harry,
6 Which is the best way,
7 And the only way for times such as ours.

CHAPTER 4
1 We will be discussing the Way of Harry at greater length in a minute,
2 But right now you are wondering, "How can this chain letter help me get a Nobel or a Pulitzer or even tenure?"
3 And so I will give you the answer to that at once,
4 Because it is so easy.
5 fAll you have to do is identify the ultra-secret symbol of Harry,
6 And draw it on a sheet of paper,
7 gAnd send it to the first name on the list at the end of this letter.
8 Then remove the top name from the list,
9 Add your own at the bottom,