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23 "Which is one of many reasons why the Sleasels' neighbors never say a word to them,
24 "Not even when their house catches on fire,
25 "On Christmas Eve,
26 a"Because the Sleasels are the neighbors everybody loves to hate,
27 "Like you will too,
28 "When you join us,
29 b"And start plumbing the depths,
30 "Of the family next door,
31 "Wednesday nights at eight.
32 "Flush!"

1 "What famous rocker is dating the wives of three prominent national politicians?
2 "What Oscar-winning actress is under suspicion for the hit-and-run death of a six-year-old boy from East Los Angeles?
3 "Which major league cMVP is suing his parents to recover the money he lent them for a house in Florida?
4 "Which eminent religious figure is rumored to be dying from a disgusting venereal disease?
5 "What beloved sitcom star is fighting the fight of his life against charges of child abuse?
6 "If you don't know the answers to these questions, then you're not up on the latest dirt,
7 "So you'd better dive for the new issue of the 'Gutter Daily,'
8 "On newsstands now.
9 "Remember our motto,
10 "All the dirt we can find and print—just for you."

1 "Chop-a-chop-a-chop-a-chop-a-chop!
2 "At last!
3 "The movie that finally dares to tell the truth about Vietnam!
4 "Get ready for 'It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad War,'
5 d"The new blockbuster hit from the director who brought you 'Viva the Cong,'
6 "'I Spit on the Red, White, and Blue,'
7 "'Yankee, Get Out of Our Home,'
8 "And 'Napalm Nightmare.'
9 "Yes, maybe you think you've seen it all,
10 "The genocide...
11 "The baby burning...
12 "The massacres and mutilations...
13 "The full-bore madness that was Vietnam.
14 "But if you haven't seen 'It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad War,'
15 "You haven't seen the half of it,
16 "Because only a comedy can really capture it all the way it really was,
17 "The absurd ambushes...
18 "The preposterous search-and-destroy missions...
19 "The ironic horror of the world's deadliest jungle...
20 "The bizarre laughter of the world's mightiest political machine,
21 "Gone mad,
22 "Chop-a-chop,
23 "Mad,
24 "Chop-a-chop-a-chop,
25 "Mad,
26 "Chop-a-chop-a-chop-a-chop,
27 "MAD,
29 "Be there when the epresident's chopper lands,