|5 By being both righteous and rich,
6 Since Jesus had said that it is easier for a camel to thread a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven,
7 aOr something like that.
CHAPTER 51 Another social problem the Christians took care of was education.
2 bUnder the old heathen way, a lot of apes learned how to read and write and add and subtract,
3 Which exposed them to a lot of bad ideas that made it harder for them to get into heaven,
4 cLike science,
5 Which is okay,
6 The way the priests explained it,
7 dUnless it isn't,
8 Which meant that the church had to take a pretty active role in education,
9 To make sure that all education was properly eChristian,
10 And didn't get anyone in trouble with bad ideas.
11 fAnd so they decided that the best kind of education was no education at all,
12 gExcept for priests and kings and some of the nobles,
13 Who needed to know how to read and write and add and subtract so that they could tax the serfs the right amount,
14 hWhich was 100 percent,
15 This being the only amount which ensured that serfs would not have any land or money or buildings,
16 iAnd so could go to heaven.
17 Meanwhile, the church put all the books and manuscripts they didn't burn into monasteries,
||18 Where they could be studied by religious bachelors called jmonks,
19 Who took an oath of silence so that no bad ideas would accidentally leak out and damn the serfs to hell.
CHAPTER 61 But even the serfs had to learn the important things,
2 kLike how to be Christian,
3 Which is why everyone had to go to church a lot,
4 And hear what the priests thought about the lgospels and the mepistles,
5 nAnd some other stuff the church discovered had been left out of the gospels and epistles,
6 oLike how if you didn't have the last rites you couldn't go to heaven, no matter how little fun you'd had on earth,
7 pAnd how if qSatan got hold of you, you might have to be rburned to death to make sure you could still go to heaven,
8 sAnd how all the statues and paintings of Jesus and Mary and the saints weren't really graven images and thus could be worshiped pretty freely, especially by serfs,
9 And how it was really dangerous for anyone who wasn't a priest or a monk to actually read the gospels and epistles and the other stuff in the Bible, tbecause if you didn't understand it the right way you'd go right to hell,
10 And how certain people couldn't be trusted by any true Christian, especially women and Jews, since uwomen had caused all the sin in the world with their greed and lechery, and vJews were the evil dogs who had murdered Jesus Christ,