|11 aAnd how the Pope knew everything anyway, so the serfs shouldn't worry about it.
CHAPTER 71 Meanwhile, the kings and the nobles had it a lot tougher than the serfsb,
2 Since having land and money and buildings meant that they had to prove their Christianity in other ways,
3 cLike killing heathens,
4 And sometimes even each other,
5 dUnless they didn't do their killing in a Christian kind of way,
6 Which involved a lot of armor and good manners,
7 And was called echivalry.
CHAPTER 81 fChivalry was a very important invention because it made the barbarians civilized,
2 gSo that they always went to church before they went out killing,
3 hAnd got their swords blessed,
4 So that whoever they killed could still go to heaven.
5 Chivalry also made it possible to have holy wars,
6 iCalled Crusades,
7 Which were conducted by chivalric apes called knights,
8 Who traveled great distances to fight heathens,
9 Who owned all the land and money and buildings in the jHoly Land,
10 kAnd therefore had to be killed before they had too much lfun,
||11 So that they could go to heaven too.
12 There were a lot of Crusades,
13 And the knights even won one of them,
14 The first one,
15 Which probably had to do with the element of surprise,
16 Since the heathen Saracens had a hard time understanding where all these knights came from all of a sudden, wanting to capture a lot of desert thousands of miles from home and talking a lot about something called the mHoly Grail,
17 Which was the cup nsomebody they never heard of drank wine out of at supper one night,
18 About a thousand years ago.
19 But when the Saracens figured out the knights were serious, they got serious too,
20 And tried to return the favor,
21 oSeeing to it that the knights had as little fun as possible,
22 And went to heaven as soon as possible too.
CHAPTER 91 pAnd so, all in all, the Christians did a great job of having a long Dark Age that was about as dark as it could get,
2 qAnd everything stayed exactly the same for a thousand years,
3 rAnd nobody had any fun to speak of,
4 sExcept maybe the king and the church and the nobles,
5 tWhich meant that lots and lots of serfs got to go to heaven,
6 Which is the most important thing anyway,
7 If you're a Christian.