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7 As the Russkies have always known,
8 Better than practically anybody else.
9 Anyway,
10 The Cossacks and the aMongols and other Russkie barbarians charged around quite a lot,
11 For quite a while,
12 Waiting for the invention of feudalism,
13 bWhich happened when the Christians got things under control in Europe,
14 cAnd convinced the Russkies that rule by divine right was the way to go,
15 As long as they could do it the Russkie way,
16 Which involves doing everything more slowly and clumsily and in larger numbers than everyone else.

1 For example, the Russkies eventually decided that they should be ruled by the divine right of czars,
2 dWhich was something like the divine right of kings,
3 But different,
4 eBecause the czar got his divine right from the Russian Orthodox Church instead of the Roman Catholic Church,
5 And therefore missed out on all the fashion changes that made things so exciting in Europe,
6 Every thousand years or so,
7 Which helps explain why the Russkies got organized as a nation about a thousand years later than everyone else,
8 Among other things.
1 In spite of being a little late, the Russkies managed to do some things right anyway.
2 For example, they figured out the fserf thing really well,
3 And had more serfs than you could shake a pointed stick at,
4 Not to mention hundreds and hundreds of nobles,
5 Including gprinces,
6 Who had incredibly long and clumsy-sounding names,
7 As required by the Russkie style,
8 Which involves doing everything in Russian,
9 Because it's so much slower and clumsier that way.
10 In fact, the Russian language is the second most important thing in Russkie culture,
11 And is quite interesting,
12 If you like things that are boring and ugly,
13 Which the Russkies always have.
14 hThe Russian alphabet was a gift from the Greeks,
15 Who had an extra one that somebody had squashed with a tractor,
16 Which made it perfect to give to the Russkies,
17 Who were happy to get it,
18 And made a brand-new language out of it,
19 Including a bunch of peculiar grammar,
20 And as many as a thousand vocabulary words,
21 Of which no more than two hundred mean "potato,"
22 Which isn't bad, considering that potatoes are the single most important thing in Russkie culture.