CHAPTER 51 The other thing the Russkies got right about the feudal thing was making sure that the aserfs never had any fun to speak of.
2 In fact, the Russkie serfs,
3 Also called peasants,
4 Had so little fun over the years that their only real enjoyment in life was feeling such extreme misery that the thought of being dead and buried seemed like heaven,
5 Which is why the Russkies started calling their country the Motherland,
6 And got so sentimental about dirt,
7 Since that's what you got to live in when you died.
CHAPTER 61 Of course, potatoes and dirt weren't the only great things about Russkie culture.
2 There was also bsnow,
3 Which you could freeze to death in,
4 Unless the cwolves got you first,
5 Or the czar,
6 Or starvation,
7 Or some other great Russkie tradition like that.
CHAPTER 71 Meanwhile, the czars thought Russia should be a dChosen Nation,
2 eSince they had all those peasants,
3 fAnd all that dirt,
4 gAnd all that snow,
5 hNot to mention potatoes,
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6 Which may help explain why the czars got such big ideas,
7 Since it was the Russkies who figured out how to make vodka from potatoes.
8 Anyway,
9 There was a czar called iIvan,
10 Who was terrible,
11 For some reason,
12 And decided that the first thing you had to do if you wanted to be a Chosen Nation was be a nation in the first place.
13 After Ivan had killed everyone who didn't want to be a nation,
14 He was all tired out and went insane,
15 Unless he went insane earlier than that,
16 Or even much earlier than that.
CHAPTER 81 After the death of jIvan the Terrible, the Russkies needed some time to think about what to do next,
2 Which they usually do,
3 And explains why they happened to miss the kRenaissance and the ldiscovery of the new world and things like that,
4 Until there was a czar named mPeter the Great,
5 Who thought that maybe the Russkies needed to be more modern,
6 Which was a nice idea,
7 Even if it was a little late.
8 It was Peter who invented reading and writing,
9 And buildings,
10 And other things too,
11 Including cities,
12 Which is why the city of St. Petersburg was named after him.
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