|28 aWhich maybe explains why so many perfectly contented Yanks in the east kept shouting, "Go west, young man," whenever they ran into somebody who was too dirty and rowdy to put to work in a factory.
CHAPTER 291 As it happened, the westward migration of so many dirty people resulted in a completely new kind of economic system,
2 In which every single profession was based on dirt,
3 Including ranching, bwhich involved owning enough dirt so that cowboys on horseback could kick up a lot of dust chasing livestock from one water hole to another,
4 And sheep farming, cwhich involved squatting on dirt that belonged to some cattle rancher and waiting for all hell to break loose,
5 And lots and lots of mining,
6 Not to mention railroading, dwhich involved buying enough eChinks to lay track across thousands of miles of empty dirt, in order to connect one dirty little western town with another, all the way to the coast,
7 And commerce, which involved the selling of all manner of goods and tools for handling dirt,
8 Including brooms for sweeping dirt,
9 fAnd hats with big brims for keeping dirt out of your eyes and hair,
||10 And chaps for keeping dirt off your pants,
11 And neckerchiefs for keeping dirt out of your mouth,
12 gNot to mention guns and dirt sifters and shovels,
13 hAs well as plenty of rotgut whiskey to clear the dirt out of your throat,
14 iAnd every once in a long while, a bathtub for washing the dirt off,
15 So you'd be allowed to go upstairs with the jsaloon girls.
CHAPTER 301 It was this Yank fascination with dirt that took Manifest Destiny south of the border into Mexico,
2 kWhich is a country made completely out of dirt,
3 lAnd nothing else,
4 At all.
5 When they saw it,
6 mThe Yanks fell in love with it immediately,
7 And had to have it,
8 Even though the Spics nowned it,
9 oWhich never stopped the Yanks anyway,
10 As we have seen.
11 Of course, the Yanks were a lot fonder of dirt than the Spics ever were,
12 pBecause the Spics had plenty of dirt back home in Spain,
13 And it wasn't the prospect of finding more dirt that convinced them to come to the New World in the first place,
14 qBut gold,
15 rWhich Mexico didn't seem to have much of,