13 After a few interim titles,
14 aEmperor of France.
CHAPTER 151 bNapoleon saved the Frog masses from cignominious death at the guillotine by sending them to dglorious death in battle,
2 Thus introducing the most important innovation in the history of France,
3 eNamely, the concept of military victory.
4 fFrog soldiers died gloriously and victoriously in numerous nations throughout Europe,
5 Including gAustria,
6 hItaly,
7 iPrussia,
8 jSpain,
9 kAnd many more besides.
10 Even the lEnglish were dismayed by Napoleon's un-Froglike talent for victory,
11 And had to wait for a lucky break,
12 Which didn't come until Napoleon decided that he should conquer Russia,
13 mAn idea that occurred to him only after he had been living in France for about ten years,
14 nAnd can't be explained any other way.
CHAPTER 161 Before he decided to conquer Russia, Napoleon acquired an empire that included most of western Europe,
2 oExcepting England,
3 And established pRule by Napoleon as the most universally practiced form of government in the western world.
4 He even invented a new code of laws, which he named after himself and which included numerous new ideas about justice.
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5 For example, under the Napoleonic Code, people had to be given a trial before being guillotined, which was so revolutionary that it made people wonder why they hadn't thought of it during the French Revolution,
6 qUntil they remembered that the French Revolution had been started by Frogs.
7 Napoleon also encouraged innovations in rfashion, including topless gowns for lady Frogs,
8 sWhich made sense, since it was the French who had invented tbreasts.
9 At the same time, Napoleon was doing quite well with the ladies personally,
10 In spite of being so short,
11 And had a famous affair with uJosephine,
12 vWho turned out to be infertile,
13 Which paved the way for wMarie Louise, who had a husband,
14 But Napoleon got rid of him,
15 xWhich is generally what happens when an emperor cuts in on your wife.
16 Anyway, until he thought of conquering Russia, Napoleon had things pretty much his own way,
17 yWhich was the only way he cared about.
CHAPTER 171 Then, of course, Napoleon had his idea about Russia,
2 zWhich turned out to be a very bad idea,
3 Because as aasomeone once said, "An army travels on its stomach," and bbRussia is a long way to go if you're traveling on your stomach.
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