5 aTalk about how you value your employees.
6 bTalk about how you value quality.
7 cTalk about how you value your customers.
8 dTalk about how you encourage decision-making at the lowest practical level of the company,
9 eTalk about the long-term contribution your company makes to the community and whatever else you can think of along those lines.
10 fTalk about how much your company cares about the environment.
11 gTalk about how much your company cares about minorities and women and other Others.
12 hTalk about innovation.
13 iTalk about competitiveness.
14 jTalk about how your company is changing to meet the needs of a changing world.
15 kTalk about how it is everyone's patriotic duty to buy things that were made in the Most Chosen Nation.
16 Talk about all these things a lot.
CHAPTER 261 When you talk about corporate culture,
2 lDon't listen to a word of what you say,
3 Ever.
CHAPTER 271 mKeep all your employees in a state of constant terror.
2 nUse fire drills to keep them worried and exhausted.
3 oBe capricious and gratuitously brutal in your personal communications.
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4 pMake a point of promoting people who are also capricious and gratuitously brutal.
5 qLose your temper over trifles.
6 Tell everyone how tolerant and patient you are.
7 Tell your employees that your door is always open,
8 rBut keep it closed.
9 sUse humiliation to punish your subordinates, whether they did anything wrong or not.
10 tAlways expect your subordinates to know what you are thinking,
11 Especially when you're not thinking about anything at all,
12 uAnd accept no excuses for their failure to do so.
13 vNever listen to your employees,
14 No matter what they say.
15 Never give your employees enough free time to develop an independent sense of reality;
16 wYou must be their entire reality,
17 No matter how much you don't think about.
CHAPTER 281 xMake sure that all decisions are made by very large committees,
2 yExcept decisions regarding your personal beans.
CHAPTER 291 Never plan for the future.
2 Specifically,
3 Never plan for the next decade,
4 Never plan for the next year,
5 And never plan for the quarter after the next one.
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