20 aSince part of them think it's a place with pearly gates that you go there when you die if you're lucky,
21 bAnd another part think it's a place with pearly beaches that you go there when you retire if you're lucky.
22 Which suggests that there's room for more than one view of heaven,
23 Without being a cheathen heretic,
24 Or an dAntichrist,
25 Or even an anti-Semite.
CHAPTER 91 When you get right down to it, in fact,
2 Harry has a lot to offer to both parts of the Judeo-Christian thing,
3 Especially if you live in the Most Chosen Nation on Earth,
4 eSomewhere north of the Roosevelt Boulevard,
5 Which is almost nothing like fPalestine,
6 And has a lot of things to deal with that Christ didn't know anything about,
7 Or if he did, he never mentioned it.
8 For example, Palestine didn't have a great big government,
9 gWith a lot of federal, state, and municipal agencies to look out for the needs of the underprivileged,
10 hWhich is probably why Christ spent so much time talking about poor people,
11 Because if you don't take care of their needs,
12 iPoor people can make your life pretty uncomfortable,
13 Which you already know all about,
|
|
14 Because jeverybody in the whole city of Philadelphia knows that all of you moved to the Northeast in the first place just to get away from the poor people,
15 Who make you uncomfortable,
16 kEspecially since you're not allowed to look down on them anymore,
17 Or have them arrested just because they look at you funny,
18 Unless they're loitering,
19 Which is what walking around is called,
20 If it's done by a poor black person in the Northeast.
CHAPTER 101 Now, who understands your feelings about that kind of thing better?
2 Christ?
3 Or Harry?
4 Of course, if Christ saw what things were like in Philadelphia,
5 He'd probably understand why it's important for Judeo-Christians to live in the Northeast,
6 And leave all the charity work to the government agencies that specialize in that kind of thing,
7 Because Christ never said anything at all about how righteous it is to put the people who work for the government lout of a job with a lot of unsolicited free-lance charity,
8 mBecause even the poor people know that it's the government's job to take care of them,
9 nAnd since they don't like you anyway,
10 Why on earth would they want handouts from you?
|