5 aBut landed instead on a bunch of Caribbean islands,
6 bAnd thus missed his chance to name the new world after himself,
7 Which is how Italy got a second chance at getting a good start in the race for history,
8 Since the Italian Explorer cAmerigo Vespucci recognized Columbus's mistake,
9 And promptly named the new world after himself,
10 Which turned out to be another very funny joke,
11 Because Amerigo forgot to help himself to everything,
12 Which isn't a smart thing to do,
13 dEspecially when there are a lot of Spaniards around.
14 And so it happened that Italy got pretty well fed up with trying to make history and be a eChosen Nation for a second time,
15 Which would have been a record anyway,
16 And became thoroughly funny instead,
17 For the rest of recorded human history.
CHAPTER 111 Meanwhile, the Spanish were winning. The fSpanish Explorers may not have been very good at finding new continents, but they knew a lot about helping themselves,
2 Which is why they helped themselves to most of the gCaribbean islands,
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3 hAnd Florida,
4 And Central America, including iTexas,
5 And to large chunks of jSouth America.
6 In fact, it turned out that the conquistadors were even better at making history in the new world than anyone had imagined.
7 For example, if there was any kgold around, they could smell it all the way from Spain,
8 And therefore got very good at navigating from Spain to places where the Indians,
9 As the native Americans were called,
10 lFor some reason,
11 Had worked hard to mine gold and turn it into mheathen jewelry and art.
12 Being pretty ardent nChristians, the conquistadors disapproved of heathen jewelry and art,
13 Especially when it was made of gold,
14 And oappropriated it from the Indians,
15 So that it could be taken back to Spain and used in a pproper Christian way,
16 Thus saving the qIndians from eternal hell and damnation,
17 rWhich was a particular specialty of the Spanish.
18 For example, there was a conquistador named sCortés who saved the Aztecs from eternal hell and damnation,
19 tBy taking all their gold,
20 And converting them to Christianity,
21 uBy killing most of them.
22 There was another vconquistador who saved the Inca,
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