CHAPTER 141 And the truth is that almost everybody you ever heard of will be played by a big star in the movies,
2 And the whole history of the world will be staged with plywood and plaster and paint,
3 In a Hollywood back lot,
4 aAnd people everywhere will learn that Napoleon looked like bRod Steiger,
5 cUnless it was dMarlon Brando he looked like,
6 And eHercules looked exactly like someone named fSteve Reeves, who was also practically the mirror image of gSamson,
7 hAnd Lord Nelson was a dead ringer for Laurence Olivier,
8 Who's also the spitting image of iHamlet,
9 And Abraham Lincoln actually was Raymond Massey,
10 jJust like Sherlock Holmes was really Basil Rathbone,
11 kAnd Toulouse-Lautrec looked a lot like José Ferrer walking on his knees,
12 lExcept when José wears a huge nose, which means he's playing a Turk,
13 Or maybe a twin brother of Cyrano de Bergerac,
14 mAnd Elizabeth I of England bore a close resemblance to Bette Davis,
15 nAnd King Arthur looked exactly the way Richard Harris looks with a pageboy wig and a false beard,
16 Which is the special magic of the movies,
17 Because sometimes it takes omagic to make history into a believable story,
18 Which is why Hollywood will also produce great character actors who are more realistic than good-looking,
|
|
19 Because sometimes you need someone as dogged and loyal as pWalter Brennan,
20 As weathered and sensible as qSpencer Tracy,
21 As charming and trustworthy as rEdward Arnold,
22 As irritatingly Irish as sBarry Fitzgerald,
23 As old and mysterious as tSam Jaffe,
24 As weird and perverse as uPeter Lorre,
25 As cunning and diabolical as vEric Von Stroheim,
26 As sour and cynical as wOscar Levant,
27 Or as crotchety and foolish as xW.C. Fields,
28 Except that you can't overdo it, of course,
29 Which is why the most magical thing of all about Hollywood will be the fantastically beautiful goddesses who get to play all the most important women in history,
30 Who would probably have ysold their souls for the chance to look like a Hollywood movie queen,
31 Except that never in history will there be anyone as beautiful as zVivien Leigh,
32 As regal as aaKatharine Hepbum,
33 As sensuous as bbSophia Loren,
34 As breathily erotic as ccMarilyn Monroe,
35 As commanding as ddJoan Crawford,
36 As athletic as eeEsther Williams,
37 As earthy as ffMae West,
38 As lusty as ggAva Gardner,
|