12 Which meant that things could get complicated,
13 Every once in a awhile,
14 Which is the way things go,
15 Civilization being what it is.
CHAPTER 111 For example, the Nips were far too polite and civilized to kill their emperor,
2 Or even fire him,
3 But they didn't mind giving him suggestions about how to run things,
4 Especially if they had all the military power,
5 And he didn't have any,
6 Or if they had all the money,
7 And he didn't have any,
8 Because they hadn't given him any,
9 For some reason.
10 And so, the Nip emperor always sat on the throne,
11 And everybody always treated him with great respect,
12 But over the years,
13 The Nip nobles had more and more military power,
14 And more and more money,
15 And, by an odd coincidence, more and more suggestions about how the emperor should run Japan.
16 The nobles who made most of the suggestions were called bshoguns,
17 And they worked very hard to make sure that everything stayed very civilized, according to the Nip way,
18 Which involves doing whatever you feel like doing,
19 Whenever you want to,
20 As long as you nod and smile and bow a lot,
21 cAnd don't lose face,
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22 Unless you're dealing with dbarbarians,
23 In which case,
24 Anything goes.
CHAPTER 121 As it happened,
2 The Nips eventually had to deal with a whole bunch of barbarians,
3 Who came from eEurope and America,
4 The way they always seem to,
5 And started trying to tell the Nips how to run things in Japan.
6 fFor instance, there was a Yank named Commodore Perry who made the Nips open up their ports to the barbarians,
7 gSo that the barbarians could sell a whole bunch of paper umbrellas and samurai swords and kimonos and things back home.
8 hUnfortunately the Nips hadn't quite got around to inventing some of the weapons the barbarians had,
9 iLike artillery,
10 jAnd had to make a note to themselves to invent better weapons later on,
11 Which they did.
CHAPTER 131 In fact, after the European barbarians arrived, the Nips suddenly got very inventive,
2 And thought up a whole bunch of new technologies,
3 kIncluding industry,
4 lAnd weapons,
5 mAnd warships,
6 And other great inventions,
7 Until they discovered that it was time to go over and humiliate the nRussians in a war,
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