4 aAlthough maybe more honest than great,
5 bAnd just possibly more stupid than honest.
6 Buchanan felt very strongly that everybody was right,
7 cWhich is an important tradition of Yank politics,
8 And resulted in everybody getting madder and madder,
9 Which is also an important tradition of Yank politics,
10 Until everybody got so mad they couldn't see straight,
11 dWhich is still another important Yank tradition called freedom of expression,
12 And caused Buchanan to figure out that the potato had finally gotten way too hot,
13 eSo he left it cooking on his desk at the White House and went home.
CHAPTER 351 When they saw how easy it was to discourage Buchanan,
2 The fsoutherners got pretty excited,
3 And started making all kinds of threats about the next president and what they would do if the wrong one got elected,
4 Like gAbraham Lincoln,
5 Who the southerners thought was the worst possible choice,
6 Even though he had been born in a log cabin,
7 And was therefore honest and great.
8 The problem was, Lincoln kept making speeches about how the United States was a hunion,
9 No matter what,
10 And how they couldn't just keep going off and starting their own country every time something didn't go their way,
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11 iBecause that would be pretty stupid.
12 Naturally, the southerners thought this kind of talk was offensive and uncalled for,
13 jSo they took out an ad in the paper to tell everybody that if Abraham Lincoln was elected president,
14 kThey would go off and start their own country,
15 And if Lincoln tried to stop them,
16 There would be war.
CHAPTER 361 What happened next was that Abraham Lincoln got elected president,
2 lAnd the southerners went off and started their own country,
3 Called the Confederate States of America,
4 In honor of the mbrilliant system the states had tried before they had to make up a constitution instead,
5 And they got a whole bunch of states to join,
6 nIncluding Virginia,
7 oSouth Carolina,
8 pGeorgia,
9 Alabama,
10 Mississippi,
11 qTennessee,
12 rLouisiana,
13 And sTexas,
14 Unless some of these aren't right,
15 Because all of this happened a pretty long time ago,
16 And no one remembers all the details,
17 Except for a bunch of southerners who have never stopped tbelieving in the Confederacy,
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