|11 "Except for the part about asin and hell and self-sacrifice,
12 b"Because I am not a conquered Jew living in a nation so backward that it has no nuclear weapons to keep its neighbors in line,
13 c"And no welfare bureaucracy to keep the poor and worthless out of everybody's hair."
14 Isn't that easy?
CHAPTER 211 In the same way that some of you Jews say, d"I believe in the Ten Commandments,
2 e"Except for the part about bacon and pork products,
3 f"And the part about never having any fun to speak of,
4 "Because I've got so much gguilt that I just couldn't get by without some fun every once in a while,"
5 You can also say, "I believe in the Ten Commandments,
6 "Which I would absolutely follow if I lived in hIsrael,
7 "But I live in the iNortheast instead,
8 "Which is a different jurisdiction,
9 "Thank God."
CHAPTER 221 In the same way that some of you Catholics say, "I believe in turning the other cheek, just like Christ teaches,
2 "Except when somebody gets in my face,
3 j"Because there are times when it has to be an eye for an eye, just like our kFather in heaven does it,"
||4 You can also say, "I believe in Love Thy Neighbor,
5 l"Except for niggers and Spics,
6 m"Because they're to blame for everything that's wrong with this country,
7 n"And I am fed to the teeth with pouring taxes down a rathole,
8 "And giving a free ride to every whining loser who's too lazy to get a decent job,"
9 And so forth,
10 And so on,
11 oBecause only Harry forgives everything,
12 And don't you forget it.
CHAPTER 231 In the same way that some of you Jews say, "I believe in pparanoia, just like it says in the Torah,
2 "But I don't believe that absolutely everything in the whole history of western civilization was expressly designed as a conspiracy to get the Jews,"
3 You can also say, "I believe in qparanoia,
4 r"But I also believe in taking whatever I want, whenever I want it, no matter who gets hurt,
5 s"And then blaming the heck out of my enemies when they try to persecute me for satisfying my desires."
CHAPTER 241 And in the same way that some of you Judeo-Christians say, "I am a deeply religious person, and I attend tservices every week, and I look out for my friends and family, just like it says in the uBible,
2 "But during working hours,