|CHAPTER 111 aAlthough badly surprised by George Washington, the Brits kept fighting for quite a while and tried a lot of brilliant tactics to regain the advantage.
2 bFor example, they brought over a bunch of German mercenaries to fight the war for them,
3 cWhich the Yanks neutralized by bringing over a bunch of Frenchmen to fight the war for them.
4 Then the Brits tried to dishearten the Americans by turning dBenedict Arnold into a traitor,
5 Which the Yanks countered by having eNathan Hale say, "I regret that I have but one life to give for my country,"
6 Right before the Brits hanged him.
7 Eventually, of course, the British general fCornwallis discovered that he was in Yorktown,
8 gWhere the Brits surrendered to the Yanks at the end of the Revolutionary War,
9 hAnd so he did,
10 Which is when the iLiberty Bell got cracked,
11 Because jPhiladelphia is a long way from kYorktown,
12 lEven if you're ringing your bell really loud.
CHAPTER 121 After the war, the Yanks tried rule by Articles of Confederation,
2 Meaning rule by argumentative cliques of mPuritans, nplantation owners, and obusinessmen,
||3 Which didn't work very well,
4 pSince none of them could ever agree on anything,
5 qExcept that they had a huge war debt,
6 rAnd still didn't want to pay any taxes.
7 So they decided to have a constitutional congress in sPhiladelphia to find a new form of government,
8 Capable of paying off the war debt,
9 tWithout taxes.
10 uIt turned out that there wasn't any form of government that could do what was necessary,
11 vSo the constitutional congressmen argued for a long time,
12 wAnd finally adopted a constitution based on the very noblest principles of human morality,
13 xIn particular, the principle that nobody can be trusted,
15 yNot executives,
16 zNot legislators,
17 aaAnd not even judges.
CHAPTER 131 With a few minor exceptions, the new constitution was a big success,
2 Especially after a bbbill of rights got attached to it,
3 Just to make sure that the new government would understand how much the citizens of the United States trusted them,
4 ccAnd then ddGeorge Washington agreed to be elected the first president,
5 By all the qualified voters in the United States,