CHAPTER 91 In fact, the Spics had a very good time in the New World. They searched for aEl Dorado all over the place,
2 Very thoroughly,
3 And basked the natives for help, using many of the csame artifacts that had worked so well for them during the Inquisition,
4 dThen thanked the natives for their help by saving their souls,
5 And even stayed with the natives who were left to make sure that they did everything the Christian way,
6 eWhich means handing over all your gold to the Spics so that they can send it back to Spain to finance more expeditions in search of El Dorado.
CHAPTER 101 In this way, the Spics established colonies throughout the New World, including Florida, Mexico, Puerto Rico, California, and too many places in South America to remember, as well as a place called the Philippines, which was so far away from anywhere that nobody else wanted it.
2 All the Spic colonies were very Christian,
3 fMeaning poor as dirt,
4 Which was a considerable improvement over their old heathen days,
5 gWhen they had gold and pagan religions of their own and cities and armies and a distinct shortage of small pox and other European diseases.
6 The conversion of all these peoples to the Christian way was the accomplishment of Spic nobles called conquistadors,
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7 Who had names like hPizarro and iCortés and jCoronado and virtually annihilated, which is to say converted, native cultures with names like the kAztecs, the Mayans, and the Incas.
8 And while all this progress was under way in the New World, the Atlantic Ocean was full of Spanish galleons taking gold back to Spain.
CHAPTER 111 The galleons full of gold attracted the attention of other countries who were trying to become the Chosen Nation,
2 Notably England,
3 Who thought that lBritannia should rule the waves,
4 mAnd everything else for that matter,
5 And so the nEnglish queen, named oElizabeth, sent pSir Francis Drake to sink the Spanish Armada,
6 Which is a Spic term meaning "to put all your eggs in one basket."
7 Outnumbered and outgunned, Sir Francis succeeded in the typical English way,
8 qBy being too stupid to lose,
9 And also got some help from a storm that forced the Spic Captains to have to read their maps,
10 Which practically decided the outcome right there.
CHAPTER 121 rAfter the loss of the Spanish Armada, the Spics started a long slow decline, eventually losing most of their colonies,
2 Including the ones in Florida, sMexico, Puerto Rico, and California, as well as the ones in South America.
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