26 Not even aJoseph Cotten in a baseball cap,
27 Or bAgnes Moorehead,
28 Which leads him to Citizen K___'s home,
29 Called cSan Juanadu, or dXanadu for short, which in English means eSan Simian,
30 Which is an enormous hilltop castle fWilliam Randolph Hearst built to keep his toys in,
31 gAlthough it turns out that the castle wasn't a completely happy place for Citizen K___,
32 hAnd actually got to be more like a prison than anything else,
33 iUnless it was more like a trap that he couldn't get out of,
34 jWhat with not having a sled anymore,
35 kNot to mention how there's never any snow in southern California anyway,
36 So what can you do?
37 Which is where l"Rosebud" comes in,
38 And explains everything,
39 Somehow.
CHAPTER 431 There will also be a genius called mIngrid Bergman,
2 Who will become a great Swedish film director after the war,
3 nEven though she will get pretty odepressed about not being able to leave her husband for Humphrey Bogart,
4 pWhat with the war and all,
5 And so her films will have kind of a qmelancholy flavor,
6 But they'll be incredibly brilliant anyway,
7 rBeing all about death and meaninglessness and despair and other brilliant stuff like that.
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8 sAnd she will do things on screen that nobody was ever brilliant enough to think of before,
9 tLike having nobody say anything for hours at a time,
10 uAnd picking a bunch of fat ugly Swedish women to be her star,
11 Who sigh a lot and say things so softly that you can't understand them without subtitles,
12 Which make things even more confusing,
13 Because when you have to read a movie, it seems like it should make some kind of sense,
14 Which it won't,
15 vBecause Ingrid will be such a towering genius that none of her movies will ever have a plot,
16 Or a happy ending,
17 Or be even slightly entertaining in any way at all,
18 wWhich is why they will be practically worshiped by intellectuals all over the world,
19 Who know great art when they see it,
20 Because if something's entertaining,
21 Or intelligible,
22 Or ends happily,
23 xIt can't be art,
24 Which explains why Ingrid Bergman will be hailed as one of the greatest artists of the whole twentieth century,
25 And that's really saying something,
26 Because if there's one thing the twentieth century will produce a lot of,
27 yIt's art.
CHAPTER 441 Of course, when you make movies for children, it's okay if they're entertaining and end happily,
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