23 Thus making him the youngest president in U.S. history,
24 In spite of the fact that he actually had a college degree.
CHAPTER 611 However peculiar his qualifications, were, Roosevelt turned out to be a great president,
2 Unless he was really a superficial jingoistic jerk instead,
3 Which is hard to say,
4 aBecause he wasn't born in a log cabin,
5 bAnd didn't even spit tobacco juice on the carpet.
6 Even so, Teddy had a big cstick,
7 Which he needed to threaten everybody with,
8 Because the Yanks now had a foreign policy consisting of not taking anything from anybody,
9 dExcept immigrants, of course,
10 Who were needed in the factories.
11 Teddy also tried to use his stick on the etrusts,
12 fBecause nobody trusted them anymore,
13 And thought they should be busted,
14 gFor some reason.
15 It was also Teddy who built the Panama Canal,
16 Including happropriating the land from some iindigent Spic country in Central America,
17 And commissioning the slogan that got the Yanks to support the project,
18 Namely, "A man, a plan, a canal - Panama,"
19 Which is special because it reads the same way even if you hold it up to a mirror,
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20 Or something.
21 But after the canal was built, Teddy got tired of being president,
22 And told everybody to elect someone named jWilliam Howard Taft,
23 Who weighed four hundred pounds,
24 And wanted to sit on the trusts,
25 Just to make sure.
CHAPTER 621 After Taft got elected, Teddy went off to kAfrica to hunt for butterflies and tigers,
2 And when he had shot all the lbutterflies and mtigers, he came home,
3 And was shocked to discover that Taft had messed everything all up,
4 Because he had stopped sitting on the trusts to go get a snack in the kitchen.
5 In fact, Teddy was so mad that he decided to start a third party called the Bull Moose Party,
6 nAnd run for president against Taft.
7 When all the votes had been counted, Teddy came in second,
8 oAhead of Taft, who couldn't run very fast anyway,
9 But behind a man named pWoodrow Wilson,
10 qWho became president of the United States,
11 And changed the course of Yank history forever.
CHAPTER 631 By this time, the United States had kind of sneaked up on the rest of the world,
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