CHAPTER 231 And so, in the wake of the Missouri Compromise, the Yanks practiced their racial relations skills on the aIndians,
2 bWho seemed to be living on a lot of the best land in the country,
3 And had to be persuaded to move away,
4 Which would maybe work on the negroes clater on,
5 And so the Yanks signed treaties with the Indians,
6 dPromising to let them have a lot of land of their own,
7 Somewhere else,
8 eIf they would just please leave the land the Yanks wanted now.
9 This worked great,
10 Because the Indians were too funcivilized to understand the principles of American democracy,
11 gAnd therefore didn't know that you can't trust anybody,
12 hNo matter how many beads and mirrors they give you.
13 In this fashion, the Yanks managed to clear out a whole lot of territory,
14 And add a lot of new states,
15 In practically no time at all.
CHAPTER 241 In fact, the Yanks were so busy adding states,
2 Not to mention making money,
3 That they went through a whole bunch of presidents without really noticing them,
4 At all.
5 iFor example, there were presidents named John Quincy Adams and Something Harrison and Something Tyler and Martin Van Buren and Millard Fillmore that nobody remembers to this day,
|
|
6 Except that jJohn Quincy Adams was the son of John Adams, and too smart to be president,
7 kFor some reason,
8 And one of the others caught a cold at his inauguration and died almost immediately,
9 lFor some reason.
10 mAnd somewhere in there, Andrew Jackson became president.
CHAPTER 251 Jackson also invented something called nJacksonian democracy,
2 oMeaning rule by illiterate hicks who spit ptobacco juice on the carpet,
3 And resulted in the Yank tradition of electing presidents who were born in log cabins,
4 Which made them honest and great,
5 For some reason.
6 qJackson also did something about the banking situation that was causing all the terrible economic depressions,
7 rAlthough no one can remember whether what he did made it better or worse,
8 sExcept that he felt very strongly about it,
9 tAnd absolutely positively refused to change his mind,
10 uAnd therefore must have been a great president.
CHAPTER 261 There was also a president named vJames Polk.
|