7 aAlways make your people spend a lot of time and effort on phony plans,
8 bAnd keep pushing them to commit to goals so absurd that they absolutely have to lie and make things up to give you the plan you want.
CHAPTER 301 cAlways have your secretary book your calendar months and months in advance,
2 dWith absolutely nothing but executive meetings and audiovisual presentations in dozens of different locations,
4 eWhen you travel, never look at anything but the audiovisual presentations.
5 fNever pay attention to an audiovisual presentation for more than three consecutive minutes,
6 gAnd always insist that hardcopy handouts of presentations be in bullet form.
7 hIf an employee insists that ibullets obscure vital dependencies and interrelationships,
8 Fire him,
9 jOr have him killed.
10 Encourage discussion in meetings and presentations,
11 kBut don't listen to what is said.
12 lEncourage the use of technical jargon in meetings and presentations,
13 And everywhere else in the company too,
14 mIncluding every different discipline and department,
15 But never learn what it means,
16 And never use it yourself.
||CHAPTER 311 nNever read a letter that's longer than one page.
2 oNever read a report that isn't in bullet form.
3 pNever form an independent judgment based on something you've read;
4 Order a task force to study it for you,
5 qAnd then have a committee make the decision.
CHAPTER 321 rNever write anything yourself,
CHAPTER 331 sMake sure that somebody gets fired or transferred after every failure.
2 tDon't worry about who it is,
3 And don't look into it yourself.
4 uYour subordinates will find someone suitable,
5 And do all the paperwork too.
CHAPTER 341 vIf business is bad, blame something outside the company.
2 wDon't hesitate to lie.
3 If it is absolutely impossible to blame something outside the company,
4 Then you must fire one of your direct subordinates.
5 xFire the one that you find the most irritating personally.
6 If the problem doesn't go away,
8 If reorganizing doesn't work,
9 zKeep doing it until the problem is forgotten.