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8 Which is how aErnest Hemingway came to really put Spain on the map,
9 What with b'For Whom the Bell Tolls' and 'Death in the Afternoon' and all,
10 cWhich made Spain very romantic and intriguing,
11 And led to the discovery of a second Spic painter,
12 Named dPicasso,
13 Just as Franco was taking over and stopping history again.

1 Franco made the trains run on time,
2 Sort of,
3 Which is always the outstanding accomplishment of fascist regimes the world over,
4 And kept Spain out of the Second World War,
5 Which was probably for the best anyway,
6 eSince the Spics had pretty well forgotten how to fight during the past few centuries,
7 And managed to stay in power much longer than any other fascist regime,
8 Which is something, anyway.

1 Franco's accomplishments were not lost on the fSpics in South America, who thought it would be great if the trains ran on time in their countries.
2 And so a bunch of Spic countries tried their own hands at being fascists,
3 gSetting up military dictatorships run by brave, violent, stupid hanimals who were overthrown as soon as it became clear that they couldn't make the trains run on time.
4 There were so many of these dictatorships that they were given a name all their own by the foreign press, which was "Banana Republics,"
5 iMeaning "We really can't keep track of all this by ourselves and besides who cares anyway."
6 Every once in a while, the Gringos, meaning "Dirty thieving Yankee Imperialists from North America," would intervene in the internal politics of the Spic countries and talk about Latin American democracy,
7 jWhich means rule by brave, violent, stupid masses,
8 And didn't seem to work any better than rule by brave, violent, stupid military dictators,
9 kSpics being what they are.

1 And although it sometimes seems that the Spics have forever lost their chance to make history, the Spic nations of the world have never stopped hoping that they will be shown a way to get back on an equal footing with everybody else.
2 In their dreams, this new way will flower as beautifully and abundantly as the coca plant,
3 And will spread throughout the civilized world,
4 Making all of the world's inhabitants as violent and stupid as Spics,
5 Fulfilling the age-old quest of the Spics for cultural renaissance,