|11 And just shows you how things have changed since Christ was here last,
12 Like a lot of other things Christ talked about,
13 Such as heaven.
CHAPTER 71 Back before the Christian part got added into the Judeo-Christian thing,
2 aWhich is to say when the Jews thought God was their God,
4 They didn't think there was any such thing as heaven,
5 Because it seemed to them that when you died, you kind of stopped living,
7 And stopped doing everything,
8 bExcept decomposing, of course,
9 Which explains why the Jews were always in such a big hurry to bury dead people right away,
10 If not sooner,
11 And probably also explains why they were always so obsessed with cgolden calves,
12 And golden coins,
13 And other things you could use to buy comfort while you were alive,
14 Because you were going to be dead for a dlong long time,
15 So it only made sense to get the highest possible einterest on your money now,
16 And don't be late with the payments,
17 Because time's a-wasting.
18 And while all this was going on,
||20 fHeaven wasn't even on the map.
CHAPTER 81 It was Christ who put heaven on the map,
2 Because how else can you make Jews stop being unpleasant about money when there isn't any money,
3 gBecause all the money is in Rome,
4 Which is the Most Chosen Nation on Earth,
5 And the only place on earth where people can enjoy heaven right hnow,
6 Without waiting to die first?
7 But the Jews never did buy the part about heaven,
8 iBecause who knows more about shady real estate deals than Jews,
9 Which probably explains why they went right ahead and jcrucified Christ,
10 And still didn't believe him when he kcame back and reported that,
12 Heaven was right where he'd always said it was,
13 And how about signing on the dotted line right away,
14 And never mind about the fine print.
15 lIn fact, the Jews have never ever bought the part about heaven,
16 Unless you count Florida, of course,
17 Which is significant,
18 Because if you look at the Judeo-Christian thing as a whole,
19 It's hardly unanimous on the heaven question,