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14 aRather, learn to create the appearance of irony,
15 Which is achieved through the simplest of juxtapositions,
16 bAnd can be done almost at random.
17 For example, you can load up on coxymorons,
18 Which don't ever have to mean anything,
19 dBut only have to seem like they might mean something,
20 eTo people who won't think about them anyway,
21 Except to admire you for whatever it is you must have meant,
22 Even if they haven't got a clue what that might be.
23 Nor are oxymorons the only kind of juxtapositions you can use.

1 The truly artistic writer will also employ juxtapositions as a substitute for ideas, content, and theme,
2 Which is easy to do,
3 Because educated readers have grown used to this substitution,
4 And no longer notice it.
5 fUse technical jargon to describe natural beauty,
6 And you can create the appearance of intelligent social commentary,
7 Because every educated reader has learned how to recognize the theme called "the sterility of modern life,"
8 Which is about as artistic as you can get,
9 And doesn't offend anyone,
10 Because the sterility of modern life is no one's fault especially;
11 It's just the way things are,
12 And the way things go,
13 gWhen you happen to live in this particular sector of this particular random universe.
14 hFor you absolutely must remember that no one looks to literature for answers anymore.
15 Educated people everywhere have learned that a delicate and clever rephrasing of the questions is enough,
16 iSince we already know the answers anyway,
17 And we don't like the answers,
18 But we're willing to like the questions,
19 Provided they're not phrased too obviously.

1 Yes, the artistic writer must never be obvious,
2 But subtle,
3 And eloquent,
4 jIn an ironic kind of way,
5 With an air of native sadness,
6 Which wells up from the depths of his inborn sensitivity,
7 And from her appearance of profound yearning that the kway of things might be different from the way they so obviously are,
8 As we can deduce from the extraordinary subtlety of his prose.
9 But never ever come right out and say what you are thinking,
10 Because this will result in one of two things,
11 Both bad.
12 The first thing which can happen is that people will disagree with your thinking,
13 Either because your thinking is bad or because it doesn't agree with theirs,