|5 But a lot like the aPortuguese, the Dutch also failed to become a Chosen Nation,
6 Because they forgot that the purpose of history was to make history,
7 bNot just money,
8 And therefore failed to do enough of the right colonial things,
9 cLike convert all the Indians,
10 dAnd help themselves to vast chunks of territory,
11 Until it was really too late,
12 And the only remaining unappropriated land was the land nobody else wanted,
13 Like a little Guiana on the edge of South America,
14 And eSouth Africa.
15 And so, with the exception of some fslave trading and a war or two along the way, the Dutch also stopped making history and decided to be picturesque instead,
16 With a lot of windmills,
18 And gwooden shoes.
CHAPTER 151 When the hFrench finally figured out how to build a ship that could sail across the Atlantic, imost of the best land had already been taken,
2 And so they made do with the best leftovers they could find,
3 Including most of jCanada,
4 kWhich was too cold and awful to have a lot of gold-mining Indians in it,
5 And Haiti,
6 lWhich was too hot and awful to have any gold-mining Indians in it,
||7 And the middle part of North America,
8 mWhich had too many angry Indians in it that didn't even know what gold was,
9 And a little nGuiana that sat right next to Holland's and was about as useful.
10 Disappointed in their new world discoveries, the French eventually discovered large chunks of Africa,
11 oThat were too hot and awful for anyone to want them but the French.
12 But, being from France, the French people refused to give up their quest to be a pChosen Nation, and kept on trying to make history for many many years,
13 qUntil a lot of other nations finally made them stop.
15 The French, being from France, decided to rstick it out and do what they could to make history in the new world,
16 In strange French ways,
17 For as long as possible,
18 And so they did.
CHAPTER 161 The sEnglish, being tEnglish, set about becoming a power in the new world in the most eccentric and backward way they could think of.
2 Instead of sending ships out to conquer territory in the new world,
3 uThey sent exiles and outcasts,
5 vAnd generally peace-loving,
6 To establish pathetic little colonies that usually died of cold and starvation during the first winter.