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23 Who rarely do anything worse than conquer and rape and torture and maim and mutilate and starve and rob and terrorize peoples so benighted that they have failed to learn the most fundamental precepts of amodern civilization,
24 Namely, that war is never an acceptable moral alternative,
25 No matter what,
26 And that bno principle can ever be worth the sacrifice of a single life,
27 Especially if that single life got started in the Most Chosen Nation on Earth.
28 And if you think that I am not grateful for this special dispensation from reality, which has so recently been granted me by my country,
29 You are wrong,
30 For this is the ultimate cvictory of my own generation, to which I belong without apology or excuse,
31 And I shall prove that you are wrong by refusing,
32 With the uttermost in self-righteous indignation,
33 dTo fight you in the parking lot.
34 But I would be happy to buy you a drink or three.
35 At these words, the youth was entirely mollified,
36 And drank with Harry into the wee hours of the morning.

1 Another thing eHarry used to enjoy was getting up really early in the morning,
2 And then going out to do something really silly,
3 Before anybody was completely awake,
4 Which made it easier to get away with something outlandish,
5 And if he did, it put him in a great mood for the rest of the day.
6 Of course, Harry's early morning pranks were kind of hard on the camera crew,
7 fBecause they liked to sleep late,
8 Especially after being out really late with gHarry the night before,
9 But they also wanted to be there,
10 Because Harry pulled off some good ones,
11 Like the time he got all the hBibles out of the followers' hotel rooms,
12 And started trying to give them away on the street,
13 At six in the morning.
14 Of course, nobody would take one,
15 And then Harry would ask them if they'd read it,
16 And they'd say not lately,
17 Which is when Harry would come back with I know what you mean.
18 I hear there's good stuff in it,
19 iBut I'm waiting for the movie.
20 Once, though, somebody almost put one over on Harry,
21 Because when he asked if they'd read it,
22 They said right back, "Have you?"
23 But it took Harry only half a second to smile,
24 And then he said, Nah.