|CHAPTER 11 When the apes called barbarians settled down in aEurope and started being Civilized Nations,
2 bAnd decided to have a great Dark Age,
3 They naturally turned to the Christians for help,
4 cBecause the Christians had priests who knew how to explain everything,
6 dSo no more questions would be needed,
7 For a thousand years,
8 eAnd no one would have to think about anything,
9 For a thousand years,
10 fWhich meant that everything could stay almost exactly the way it was,
11 For a thousand years,
12 gWhich is the whole reason for having a Dark Age in the first place.
CHAPTER 21 The first thing the Christians did was fix all the problems apes had been having with government.
2 For example, the Christians knew that hdemocracy didn't work,
3 iBecause look at what happened to the Greeks and Romans,
4 Who were heathens anyhow,
5 Heathens being japes who don't understand that all apes are basically evil,
||6 kAnd therefore don't feel enough guilt and pain and suffering,
7 lAnd thus don't qualify for the eternal bliss that will be enjoyed by Christians in the kingdom of heaven,
8 mAs long as they don't have any fun to speak of on earth.
10 nThe Christians understood that the only kind of government worth having is the kind of government where God is basically in charge,
11 Which would never happen in a odemocracy, where the apes are basically in charge,
12 And so they invented a new concept called the "divine right of kings,"
13 Which meant that apes should be ruled by Christian kings,
14 Or holy emperors,
15 Who would reign throughout their own lifetimes,
16 Until they diedp,
17 When they would be immediately succeeded by their first-born sons,
18 Who would reign throughout their lifetimes,
19 Until they diedq,
20 When they, in turn, would be immediately succeeded by their firstborn rsons,
21 And so forth.
22 This was completely different from the old heathen Roman imperial way,
23 Which consisted of apes being ruled by heathen emperors,