|22 Not to mention the noble savage Bedouin who helps Peter and Omar massacre the Red Army in the terribly bloody atrain scene,
23 Who will be played by bAnthony Quinn,
24 That is, Anthony will play the Bedouin, not the train scene, which will be played by hundreds and hundreds of people with cbig noses and bronze makeup,
25 Which is why 'Lawrence of Chicago' will wind up costing about a billion dollars,
26 But it will be worth every penny,
27 dBecause it will show everybody who doesn't fall asleep somewhere in the middle what war is really like,
28 With a cast of thousands,
29 eAnd more prop sand and snow than you could shake a pointed stick at,
30 Not to mention fJulie Christie,
31 Who is just beautiful as Lara,
32 gAnd completely makes up for the fact that no one will ever be able to understand the story,
33 No matter how many hours of it they sit through.
CHAPTER 421 And there will be another great Hollywood genius named hOrson Welles,
2 iWho will be so great that he won't even bother to finish a lot of his movies,
3 Although he will finish one of them,
||4 Which will turn out to be quite enough anyway.
5 This one incredibly great movie will be called 'Citizen K___,'
6 And will be all about a giant newspaper tycoon,
7 Played by jOrson Welles,
8 kWho will be indicted for some terrible crime,
9 lWhich nobody knows what it is,
10 mFor some reason,
11 nExcept that he'll die for his crime right at the beginning of the movie,
12 oVery mysteriously,
13 pWhich explains why he has to be investigated,
14 By a huge fat corrupt cop,
15 Played by qOrson Welles,
16 Who goes out and looks into the life of Citizen K___,
17 With great thoroughness,
18 From every conceivable camera angle,
19 And under every kind of bizarre lighting you could possibly imagine,
20 rSo that sometimes he even has to do his investigating through a bunch of swooden slats that throw off all kinds of amazing shadows,
21 Which maybe explains why he gets so confused in the scene with Citizen K___'s defense attorney,
22 Played by tOrson Welles,
23 Who says that it all has to do with something called u"Rosebud,"
24 Which convinces the cop to talk to everybody who might know how Citizen K___ got involved with "Rosebud" in the first place,
25 vAlthough absolutely nobody he talks to knows anything at all about "Rosebud,"