|9 aEspecially when you own all thy neighbors,
10 bAnd have killed a lot of their friends and relatives,
11 And are pretty sure they don't love you either.
12 But to pull off a good cDecline and Fall,
13 You have to take some dchances.
14 eSo the Romans decided that they were Christians too,
15 Which made it easier to justify not fighting the barbarians,
16 fWho were sacking Rome every time they thought no one was looking,
17 gProving they'd learned a lot from the Romans already.
CHAPTER 211 And so the Romans started going to church a lot,
2 hAnd learning a lot about guilt and suffering and pain,
3 And trying hard to please the new God,
4 iWho had created everything,
5 jAll by Himself,
6 kAnd therefore had to be capitalized all the time, including Pronouns,
7 lAnd Who really loved His Chosen Tribe,
8 Which included all the apes,
9 For some reason,
10 And showed His love by sending His only son to earth,
11 mSo that He could be killed by the apes,
12 nProving that Love Thy Neighbor is the way to go,
13 oOr something.
14 Nor is this all the Romans learned from Christianity.
||CHAPTER 221 For example, they learned that life is not supposed to be easy,
2 But hard,
3 Or elase you won't go pto heaven, where everything is perfect,
4 qBut to hell instead, where everything is really lousy,
5 And where you're sure to go if you've committed too many sins.
6 They also learned what sin is,
7 rSin being everything that feels good,
8 Which makes it easy to recognize sin.
9 sBut since nothing is supposed to be easy,
10 tIt's more complicated than that,
11 Which is why it's so important to have priests,
12 uWho can explain everything.
CHAPTER 231 And meanwhile, the empire kept Declining and Falling,
2 As the barbarians kept on appropriating more and more Roman provinces and cities and so forth,
3 Not knowing that they were committing a sin,
4 vBy loving things more than God,
5 Especially Roman things,
6 Which were supposed to be exempt,
7 wBecause Jesus had said, "Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's," hadn't he?
8 But the priests explained that it was more xcomplicated than that,