|CHAPTER 171 aCaligula had a great sense of humor,
2 And thought it would be extremely funny to have everyone killed,
3 bFor no reason,
4 Which he did,
5 Until his cfriends decided to have the last laugh,
6 Which they did,
7 After which dClaudius became emperor,
8 So that everyone could stop laughing for a minute and catch their breath.
CHAPTER 181 When they saw that emperors were so much funnier than democracies, the Romans completely stopped trying to rule themselves,
2 Because it's so much easier if somebody else does it,
3 And so they had a lot more side-splitting emperors,
4 Like the eone who made his fhorse a consul of Rome,
5 Which didn't really hurt anything,
6 Because consuls didn't have any power anymore,
7 Not since the Caesars got it all.
8 And then there was Nero,
9 gWho fiddled while Rome burned,
10 Which indicated that things weren't absolutely completely right for the Chosen Tribe,
11 What with hbarbarians attacking the capital city and all,
12 If you thought about it, that is,
13 Which is hard to do,
14 iAnd therefore contrary to Roman philosophy.
||CHAPTER 191 And so the Romans came up with a new joke called the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire,
2 Which took a very long time and had everyone rolling in the aisles.
3 For example, the Romans thought it would be pretty funny if the jlegions that everybody depended on for protection didn't have any Romans in them,
4 kBut barbarians,
5 Since even the plebeians had discovered that being in a legion is hard work,
6 And leaves too little time for lbread and circuses,
7 Which was a hilarious Roman pastime that involved thousands of apes watching gladiators hack each other to pieces,
8 Or thousands of apes watching heretics get eaten by lions,
9 Or thousands of apes watching practically anything involving lots of blood and death.
CHAPTER 201 The Romans got very good at thinking up new ways to make the Decline and Fall funnier.
2 mFor example, they appropriated a new religion called Christianity,
3 nWhich started in a poor Roman province,
4 oWhen a Roman crucified the pmessiah,
5 Whose name was qJesus,
6 And who believed in rLove Thy Neighbor and so forth,
7 Which was a pretty dangerous idea in Rome,
8 Since it isn't always seasy to love they neighbor,