22 aAnd have doubts while kneeling on the back lot of Gethsemane,
23 And get betrayed by bIlya Kuryakin,
24 cAnd get arrested by Roman extras wearing breastplates made of aluminum foil,
25 dAnd get tried by some eBrit playing Pontius Pilate, who washes his hands and frees fBarabbas, leaving Jesus in the soup.
26 gAnd so Jeffrey gets crucified on a papier-mâché hGolgotha, with a lot of red corn syrup flowing from the prop nails in his hands and feet, not to mention his icrown of papier-mâché thorns,
27 And has his robe won by a Roman tribune in a game of jlots, which makes kRichard Burton go insane later, luntil he gets converted to Christianity by Victor Mature, his Greek slave,
28 mWho was the only one who really understood the divine forgiveness of Jeffrey's love,
29 Except for nMichael Rennie, who denied Jesus three times before the ocock crowed on the morning of the Crucifixion,
30 And was forgiven anyhow, so that he could go on to become the pBig Fisherman,
31 Alias the qPope.
32 Anyway,
33 rWhile all this is going on, the sky keeps getting darker and darker, until Jeffrey finally gives up the ghost with a lot of saintly sounding choirs ssinging in the background, as well as a tremendous amount of special effects tthunder and ulightning and earthquakes and stuff going off all over the place,
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34 vAnd then gets some well earned rest in his dressing room while the wdisciples finally get to say a few lines and xJudas has a big moment hanging himself from a prop tree,
35 After which the ground opens up, and Mama Ben Hur and her daughter get cured of yleprosy,
36 zAnd Rome burns while Nero Ustinov fiddles in appalling decadent luxury,
37 aaAnd Atlantis crumbles into the sea,
38 And bbCharlton Heston, in spite of all his bitterness about having been a galley slave, finally understands what Jesus's message is all about,
39 ccWhich gets everything ready for the big resurrection scene,
40 ddWhich isn't actually shown, but implied in a subtle cinematic way,
41 Just like the Ascension,
42 eeWhen Jeffrey returns to the right hand of the fffather,
43 ggSo that he can look out for all of us,
44 hhAnd make sure that we all know he died for our sins,
45 iiWhich saves us forever,
46 jjTo live in peace and love and brotherhood until we die and go to heaven,
47 Unless we're kkheathen monsters like llStephen Boyd,
48 mmWho dies horribly after the chariot race,
49 nnWhere he had a huge accident because Charlton Heston parted the Dead Sea and drowned all of Yul Brynner's charioteers,
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