|18 aFor example, it often happened that the plebeians would make history,
19 And then the Patricians would write it.
CHAPTER 61 Thanks to division of labor,
2 The Romans accomplished quite a lot.
3 The Patricians decided the world wasn't big enough for Rome and bCarthage to be in it at the same time,
4 So, for the greater glory of Rome, the plebeians destroyed cCarthage,
5 And killed their armies,
6 dAnd raped their women,
7 eAnd sowed the fields of Carthage with salt,
8 Just to make sure,
9 Because after that close call with fHannibal and the elephants crossing the Alps,
10 gIt seemed easier to make sure.
CHAPTER 71 When Carthage was no longer making things difficult,
2 The Romans had it easy for a while,
3 And worked on the Roman culture,
4 Which couldn't be done by hplebeians,
5 And so had to be done the ieasy way.
6 But they did the best they could,
7 All things considered,
8 And wrote some pretty decent jGreek plays,
||9 And some pretty indecent kGreek poems,
10 As well as some new Greek myths,
11 Like the one about lAeneas,
12 mWho escaped from Troy in the general hilarity caused by the nTrojan Horse joke,
13 And started wandering all over the place,
14 Something like oOdysseus,
15 In fact, pa lot like Odysseus,
16 Only when he got home Aeneas didn't qkill all his wife's suitors,
17 rBut founded sRome instead,
18 Which would make the tRomulus and Remus thing sort of confusing,
19 If you thought about it,
20 Which is hard to do,
21 uAnd therefore contrary to Roman philosophy.
CHAPTER 81 The Romans were also good at sculpture and painting,
2 Because they were very fond of looking at themselves,
3 vJust the way they were,
4 Whatever they happened to be doing,
5 Since it's so much easier that way.
6 And so the Romans made sculptures that were not exactly beautiful,
7 But real, including warts and so forth,
8 wAnd they painted sex scenes on the walls of xPompeii,
9 yBecause it wouldn't do to forget how to have sex,
10 zAnd having a huge colorful reminder all over the walls of the house makes it pretty easy to remember.