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3 Like working hard,
4 And being sober,
5 And being kind to dumb animals,
6 And always opening the door for ladies,
7 And going to church,
8 And telling the truth,
9 And being polite to your elders,
10 And always being clean and shaved and neatly dressed,
11 And not speaking ill of the dead,
12 aAnd not telling dirty jokes,
13 And loving your country,
14 And giving back more than you take,
15 And taking care of your family,
16 And not washing your dirty linen in public,
17 And standing by your principles, no matter what,
18 And never being rude to anyone, even if they deserve it,
19 bAnd being a good sport, win or lose,
20 And never crying, unless you're a woman,
21 And always looking a man in the eye when you shake his hand,
22 And never ever hitting a woman, for any reason whatsoever, period, including your sister,
23 And never taking advantage of a woman when she's..., well, just don't take advantage, that's all,
24 cAnd never ever using bad language of any kind, because imagine how embarrassed you'd be if you slipped in good company,
25 And always being fair, no matter who they are,
26 Because not everybody has had your advantages,
27 And it's your responsibility to set a good example.

1 W is for Wars.
2 dIncluding World War II, which was the biggest one,
3 eAnd World War I, which was the second biggest one,
4 fAnd the Civil War, which saved the union and freed the slaves,
5 gAnd the Indian Wars, which pretty well killed off all the Indians, which is unfortunate because they never had a chance anyway,
6 hAnd the War of 1812, which was kind of a strange stupid war with the British,
7 iAnd the Revolution, which was very very important even if it wasn't much of a war,
8 jAnd the French and Indian War, which was kind of a warm-up for the Revolution,
9 kAnd the Franco-Prussian War, which is a big part of the reason why Europe is still so screwed up today,
10 lAnd the Napoleonic Wars, which must have been exciting, even if they were as silly as everything else that's started by the French,
11 mNot to mention all the hundreds of other wars the British fought with the French, and everybody else too, including even the Zulus, if you can believe it,
12 nAnd the War of the Roses, which killed off oknighthood's flower, just like Nostradammus predicted,
13 pAnd the Crusades. which have always seemed kind of peculiar to me,