5 Then say to them, No, not today, I promised my amother I wouldn't; she wouldn't like it, and I would be grounded forever.
6 For all of these things are unwise and dangerous and forbidden; they would make you a bjuvenile delinquent, and your parents would be very ashamed of you.
CHAPTER 31 To cut school is to cut your own throat; you will never get ahead, and you will become a beggar in the streets;
2 And don't think that you can live at home forever; for your mother and I are planning to sell the house and move to Florida when we retire;
3 There will be no room then for a bum who cut school when he should have known better, or for an ingrate who cannot be trusted the minute his parents' backs are turned.
4 cFor school is the place where you acquire the keys to success; and become full of useful information that will help you find a job and security.
5 The smart student learns many things in school; he becomes wise in the ways of dpunctuality and attendance;
6 He learns not to end a sentence with a preposition, nor to split an infinitive; he learns how to spell e"antidisestablishmentarianism," and not to say f"ain't."
7 Nor are these all the lessons the bright boy will learn in school; the knowledge to be gained in school is extensive and various.
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CHAPTER 41 My son, if you would ever balance your checkbook, you must become learned in the rules of gmathematics;
2 Remember your htimes tables, because it is hard to multiply on your fingers; and do not fall asleep during the ipart on quadratic equations, or else you will fail algebra.
3 When you have a jword problem to solve, always show your work; kfor partial credit is almost never given for a lot of meaningless numbers scrawled in the margin.
4 If you would excel in mathematics, make friends with the lsmartest student in your class; even if he has pimples and glasses and no personality, such a friend can improve your grades substantially.
CHAPTER 51 And any son of mine must also know his ABCs, which are the key to being a good man and a good citizen.
2 And the mABCs include things that you can learn in school, as well as things you can learn by spending your free time profitably, and not in front of a ntelevision set.
3 And there are also lessons in the ABCs which you must seek to learn from your mother and father, because they are required of all members of this family,
4 And I urge you to listen well, and then learn what I speak of, for an ignorant man odisgraces his family, and is shunned by his peers,
5 Which is why you should sit down and relax, and quit ptapping your foot, because this will take a while, and I will not stop until I have finished, unless your inattention causes me to lose my temper, and qapply a different kind of lesson to your backside.
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