|CHAPTER 11 Off the eastern coast of Asia, pretty near aChina and bRussia, there was an island called Japan,
2 Or cNippon, if you want to get Oriental about it,
3 Which had more people on it than you could shake a pointed stick at,
4 For thousands of years,
5 Until they convinced each other that they were a Chosen Nation,
6 And got themselves into a whole bunch of trouble.
7 This is their dstory.
CHAPTER 21 eFrom the very beginning of time, the Japanese people have always been completely civilized,
2 fIn fact, as civilized as the Chinese,
3 gWho borrowed a lot of their culture from Japan,
4 Unless it was the other way around,
5 Which it wasn't,
6 hIn spite of what the Chinks say,
7 Because any Nip will tell you what tremendous liars the Chinks are,
8 Even if the Chinks borrowed their civilization from the Nips somewhat before the Nips had one,
9 Which isn't as impossible as you might think,
10 Because everyone knows how mysterious and inscrutable Orientals are,
||11 Whether they're from Japan or China or Korea or any of the other inscrutable, mysterious countries in the far east.
13 It was the Nips who invented civilization,
14 A long long time ago,
15 And they've been trying to get some credit for it ever since,
16 Which hasn't been easy,
17 iBecause most of the world has somehow gotten the completely idiotic notion that the Nips are a bunch of smiling, nodding, two-faced little barbarians who keep trying to take things from everyone else because they've never had an original idea of their own,
18 Which just isn't so,
19 For some reason.
CHAPTER 31 jFor example, it was the Nips who invented the form of government called rule by divine right of dynasties,
2 kWhich was completely different from every other form of government on earth,
3 lSince dynasties consisted of a series of Nip emperors,
4 mWho had absolute power over everybody,
5 nAnd were probably Gods.
6 oNobody actually remembers much about the first Nip dynasty,
7 But it was great,