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4 And why would you want to go anywhere,
5 When you're already there,
6 In the only place worth being,
7 aNamely, China.

1 Not that everything was always perfect.
2 For example, after the Han dynasty,
3 Which ruled China a long time ago,
4 If you have to get precise about it,
5 There was a new dynasty called the bChin dynasty,
6 Which invented the idea of having lots and lots of laws,
7 cAnd then killing everybody who disobeyed them.
8 The Chin dynasty lasted a good twenty years or so,
9 dAnd was replaced by another Han dynasty,
10 Which believed in doing things the Chink way,
11 Namely, the way they've always been done before,
12 Except they didn't quite throw out all the Chin laws exactly,
13 eAnd they didn't completely stop killing people exactly,
14 Because there's no point in overdoing it,
15 And besides, the Chinks have always been pretty good about dying when their emperor tells them to,
16 Which is one of the most important features of Chink civilization.

1 The Han dynasty was also great because it liked to do things the Confucian way,
2 Which is a lot like the Chink way,
3 Except fConfucius put all his wisdom into cookies so that people could digest it more easily.
4 For example, he did a cookie about how Chinks should respect their ancestors,
5 Even if they're alive,
6 And have a lot of funny ideas about things,
7 Because maybe their ideas aren't really funny,
8 But wise,
9 gSo you'd better do like they say.
10 Another cookie said that the Chinks should be polite,
11 And accept everything that happens,
12 hBecause lots of things happen in life,
13 And you may as well accept it all the way it happens,
14 Because after all, you're living in China,
15 Which is pretty great,
16 Considering that you might have been born in some barbarian country,
17 iLike Japan.

1 All in all, civilization was a very big thing with the Chinks.
2 Since they'd invented it in the first place, they had very strict ideas about what was civilized and what wasn't.
3 For example, it wasn't civilized for young people to pick their own mates,
4 And so their parents usually did it for them,
5 Whether the young people thought it was a civilized custom or not.