|8 Or something like that.
9 aWhat with all the carpets and numerals and stuff, the middle easterners were generally far too busy to notice that someone had discovered a new world,
10 bSo they missed out on their chance to help make history,
11 And therefore had to settle for making trouble instead,
12 Which they did.
13 Then, when they weren't looking,
14 History sneaked up on them from behind,
15 cWhich is the way things go,
16 dLife being what it is.
CHAPTER 81 eFor example, the Brits eventually noticed India and moved in,
2 Which changed everything,
3 fFor some reason.
4 And then there was the Ottoman Empire,
5 Which the bottom fell out of,
6 gFor some reason,
7 And suddenly it was time for World War I,
8 hWhen Lawrence of Arabia discovered that the iArabs were really terrific at killing jTurks,
9 And found out how much fun it was,
10 And told everybody about it,
11 kIncluding the Brits,
12 Which explains why the Ottoman Empire isn't around today,
13 lAnd why the Turks now live in a place called Turkey.
CHAPTER 91 After World War II, the Hebrews decided to move back to mIsrael,
||2 nOr Zion,
3 oOr Palestine,
4 Or whatever it was,
5 pWhich caused problems,
6 Because qCanaan was this really beautiful land,
7 rFull of sand,
8 sWhich is why all the Arabs feel like they just can't live without it,
9 Since it goes great with all the other lands in the near east,
10 Which are also full of sand,
11 As well as oil,
12 Which causes problems too.
CHAPTER 101 What with sand and other very important issues like that, tthe peoples of the near east decided the only thing to do was kill each other,
2 As much as possible,
4 uAnd so they did.
5 Some of the killing was for religious reasons,
6 And some of it was for economic reasons,
7 But mostly it was for irreconcilable differences,
8 Since they were all completely and utterly different from each other,
9 Except for their noses,
10 And their love of sand,
11 And their fanatical devotion to their religion,
12 vAnd their consuming desire to annihilate their enemies,
13 Which were usually everybody else,
14 Including the Iranians,
15 And the Iraqis,
16 And the Saudis,
17 And the Syrians,