|20 Which made it the Romans' turn.
CHAPTER 31 aThe Romans wanted to prove that they were more Chosen than the Greeks,
2 bSo they conquered everybody too,
3 That is, everybody that wasn't too hard to get to,
4 Which turned out to be everybody but the Indians,
5 Who were really quite a long way from everywhere,
6 cAnd too hard to get to for everyone,
7 Until much later, when the Brits remembered they were there and thought it would be extremely difficult to conquer and rule them,
8 Which it was,
9 dAnd explains why they went to all the trouble of subjugating the Indian subcontinent for a century or so.
11 The Romans had most of the middle east in their empire for quite a while,
12 eAnd actually wound up moving there to get away from all the European barbarians,
13 fWho were starting to act pretty Chosen themselves,
14 Even if they hadn't learned how to spell it yet.
15 The Romans much preferred the eastern barbarians,
16 For some reason,
17 gAnd hung out in Constantinople,
18 Until the barbarians there started calling themselves Turks,
19 And decided they wanted an empire of their own.
||CHAPTER 41 Meanwhile, some of the eastern barbarians who called themselves Moors were conquering the Mediterranean,
2 hIncluding northern Africa,
3 iAnd Spain too,
4 Because they had recently found out they were especially Chosen by their God,
5 Whose name was jAllah,
6 And wanted them to kill everything that moved.
7 And so the Moors had a nice empire going for a while too,
8 And killed lots and lots and lots of heathens,
9 Especially Christian heathens,
10 Who had the nerve to suggest that they were really the Chosen ones,
11 Because their God had told them so,
12 And by the way, His name wasn't Allah,
13 But God,
14 And besides, He was completely different from Allah,
15 Since He believed in love and mercy and peace,
16 kAnd that if you had to kill a heathen, you'd better do it with a straight sword and a lot of chivalry,
17 lNot with a curved sword and a lot of foreign-sounding jibber jabber.
18 mFor this reason, God told the Christians to kill as many of Allah's followers as they could,
19 Which they did.
20 And so the Chosen ones hacked and slashed and impaled the heathen heretics until final victory was assured for the one and only all-powerful deity,
21 Who had created everything all by Himself,