15 aAnd the right to bear arms while exercising your right to free self-expression,
16 bWhile firing off a hail of bullets at the same time,
17 If that's the way you want to do it,
18 cBecause that's the American Way,
19 And always has been.
20 Anyway,
21 This helps explain why dPresident Guiteau was gunned down by a dastardly assassin named eGarfield,
22 Unless it was the other way around,
23 And why fPresident McKinley got shot by somebody or other for some reason or other,
24 Shortly before gTeddy Roosevelt became president,
25 Unless it was someone else instead.
CHAPTER 581 For a long long time, the Yanks hadn't had much of a foreign policy,
2 Because founding fathers like hWashington and iMadison,
3 Unless it was jMonroe,
4 Had suggested that the U.S. didn't really need a foreign policy,
5 kAs long as everybody else left the Yanks alone,
6 lWhich they mostly did,
7 Because even the Europeans were smart enough not to get in the way of mManifest Destiny,
8 And besides, getting involved with the Yanks would mean having to deal with all the nscum of the earth that had been kicked out of all the best nations in Europe,
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9 The kind of scum who weren't at all well bred,
10 oAnd would probably spit tobacco juice all over the carpet,
11 pAnd talk about money,
12 While wearing qcowboy outfits,
13 And shooting rsix-guns at everything in sight,
14 And going on and on about the sgrisly little undisciplined war they had fought with each other in the Yank wilderness a few years back,
15 tWhich wasn't even a war by European standards,
16 uBut a lower-class brawl between two rival gangs of rabble,
17 Squabbling about what to do with black people,
18 vEven though the Chosen Nations of Europe had been showing everybody what to do with black people for several centuries at least.
19 Anyway,
20 After the Yanks had gone twenty or thirty years without having any history to speak of,
21 They decided that they should have some,
22 And since they hadn't had any foreign policy for practically forever,
23 They decided that might be a good place to start,
24 And besides, they were just about out of elbow room for Manifest Destiny at home,
25 wAnd who else knew as much about racial relations as the Yanks?
CHAPTER 591 And so it happened that the Yanks helped open up xJapan,
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