|15 Or didn't ask politely enough,
16 aOr something.
17 And so Moses had to stay behind and die in the bwilderness,
18 Although right before he died, he got to give the Chosen Tribe one more gift from God,
19 Namely, the cTen Commandments,
20 Which are so important they always get a whole chapter to themselves.
CHAPTER 91 And God gave the Ten Commandments to Moses on dMount Ararat, and Moses brought them down to his people engraved on estone tablets so that everybody would believe in them,
2 Only they were already busy worshiping a fgolden calf they had decided to believe in,
3 And besides, the Ten Commandments were pretty strongly worded, being,
4 gThou shalt have no other Gods but Me,
5 hThou shalt always capitalize My name on graven images, including pronouns,
6 iThou shalt not consume any jbacon, kpork or other lpig products,
7 mHonor thy father and mother, no matter how little money they make or how many chores they ask thee to do,
8 Thou shalt not commit nadultery, even if thou art an adult,
9 oThou shalt not covet, whatever that means,
10 pThou shalt not kill, no matter how much fun it is,
||11 qThou shalt be rcircumcised as soon as thou art born,
12 sThou shalt not bear a false witness, especially through adultery, and,
13 tThou shalt not have any fun to speak of, ever, because God loves you.
14 uAnd when Moses had explained everything, the people put away their golden calf and believed in the Ten Commandments instead.
15 vNor was this all they believed.
CHAPTER 101 They believed that the wland of milk and honey became a great nation,
2 Ruled by xDavid,
3 Who killed yGoliath with a stone,
4 Which was some kind of zexception to the commandment about killing,
5 And okay,
6 aaThe way the priests explained it,
7 And David had a fling with bbBathsheba,
8 ccWhich was not okay, the way the priests explained it,
9 ddAnd so David had a son who tried to kill him,
10 But David killed his eeson first,
11 ffWhich was probably okay, the way the priests explained it,
12 Because David loved God and ggwrote many poems.
13 And eventually there was King Solomon, who was hhwise enough to cut a baby in two,
14 And other things.
15 And all the time God loved His people and kept on showing it in the strangest possible ways.