|2 aWho was made completely out of hickory,
3 And therefore survived all of his enemies' attempts to kill him,
4 Which was a lot of attempts,
5 Because Jackson had a lot of enemies,
6 Owing to a slight problem he had with his temper,
7 Which is to say that he was sort of a maniac,
8 bWho fought duels with anyone who disagreed with him,
9 cAnd never changed his mind about anyone or anything,
10 Because he didn't have any education.
11 This naturally made him a good candidate to be president of the Yanks someday,
12 Which we'll get to later.
CHAPTER 201 Beating the Brits also helped the dJeffersonian democrats get another president elected,
2 Whose name was eMonroe,
3 And who was hard to distinguish from fMadison,
4 Since they were both Virginians,
5 Both had James for a first name,
6 And both had a last name that began with an g"M."
7 But it was Monroe who had to deal with the Missouri problem, which had to do with hslavery,
8 And ieconomics,
9 And was thus a hot potato,
10 Which is a Yank term for any issue that might require thought and foresight to resolve,
11 jAnd therefore probably can't be resolved by Yanks.
12 kHere's what happened.
13 All in all, the Yanks were doing pretty well for themselves financially,
||14 lExcept for the way the economy kept collapsing into a major depression every few years,
15 mWhich had something to do with the banking laws,
16 nSomething too complicated to remember,
17 That would become a ohot potato later.
18 pAnyway, with the exception of all the depressions,
19 The Yanks in the northern "states,"
20 As the colonies were now calling themselves,
21 Were doing pretty good business in a bunch of industries,
22 Such as qgun powder and textiles,
23 And didn't see why the nation needed any more slaves,
24 rSince there were a lot of poor white Yanks who were willing to work pretty hard for practically nothing.
25 In the south, on the other hand, the plantation owners were doing a pretty good business selling scotton and ttobacco to the Brits,
26 uAnd they didn't know how all the cotton and tobacco would get picked if slaves didn't do it,
27 vBecause they knew they weren't going to do it,
28 Since that would have meant getting off their whorse and getting their hands dirty.
29 This difference of opinion caused some problems when other parts of the south decided they wanted to be a state,
30 xNamely, Missouri,
31 So that they could all be free and democratic,
32 yWhich is the American way,