|13 Not to mention fancy uniforms and boots,
14 Which the Prussians invented,
15 aBecause you almost never see pigs wearing fancy uniforms and boots.
16 The other Krauts didn't quite see it that way, though,
17 Since if pigs don't wear fancy uniforms and boots,
18 Then how come all the Prussians did?
19 And so they decided to concentrate on other things instead,
20 Things that didn't have anything to do with trying to prove to the world that you're not a pig,
21 bLike literature,
22 cAnd music,
23 dAnd philosophy,
24 eAnd architecture,
25 Because they were genuinely interested in concepts like truth and beauty and knowledge and indestructible buildings,
26 And besides, when was the last time you saw a pig write a symphony?
CHAPTER 61 The Krauts had a big advantage when it came to literature,
2 Because they had the great fGerman language to work with,
3 Which they had invented,
4 And which sounded beautiful,
5 gLike someone trying to cough up some phlegm in their throat or something,
6 hUnlike the awful-sounding languages other Europeans had,
7 Such as French,
8 iWhich sounded like somebody had both their nostrils stuffed with jfrogs or something,
||9 kOr Italian, which sounded like some reeling drunk trying to sing, gargle, and spit up all at the same time,
10 lOr Spanish, which sounded like somebody with a lisp and no teeth trying to talk with hot peppers in their mouth,
11 mOr English, which sounded like some half-witted fop trying to talk German without coughing up the phlegm.
13 nThanks to their beautiful language,
14 The Krauts would go on to produce a lot of great writers,
15 Including Goethe,
16 And a bunch of others too,
17 Who would all be great,
18 Though not as great as Goethe.
CHAPTER 71 It was oGoethe who made up the story of a man named Faust,
2 Unless it was somebody else,
3 pWhich it wasn't,
4 qBecause Goethe was the greatest writer who ever lived,
5 rEven greater than Shakespeare,
6 As any Kraut will tell you.
7 sFaust was the Kraut who sold his tsoul to the devil in exchange for almost uunlimited knowledge and power on earth,
8 For about a year,
9 Until the vdevil came to collect the soul he had been promised,
10 wWhich Faust thought was unfair,
11 xFor some reason.
12 This was such a great story that lots of other writers all over the world copied it,