|3 aAnd Johannes Gutenberg invented movable type,
4 bAnd Krauts like Kepler helped invent science.
5 In fact, the Krauts played practically all the Renaissance sports,
6 Very well,
7 Except for ccomedy,
8 Which they never quite understood,
9 And probably explains why the Krauts didn't go out exploring and trying to make dhistory after the Renaissance,
10 Like eeverybody else,
11 But started arguing a lot with each other about a bunch of very important Kraut questions,
12 Like who should be in charge of everything,
13 Which they couldn't quite agree about,
14 fAnd so they decided not to be a nation at all,
15 But a bunch of quarrelsome Krauts instead.
CHAPTER 41 By this time, there were several kinds of Krauts.
2 There were Krauts called Austrians who lived so close to gItaly that they thought they were civilized,
3 hAnd therefore too good to be called Krauts.
4 There were Krauts called Swiss who lived in the iAlps,
5 Where they made a lot of cuckoo clocks and jmoney,
6 kAnd were therefore too good to be called Krauts,
7 Especially since a lot of them spoke French.
8 There were Krauts called Prussians,
||9 Or who wanted to be called Prussians,
10 Even though they were definitely Krauts,
11 And not much liked,
12 lFor a lot of excellent reasons.
13 There were also some free-lance Krauts called Germans,
14 Who were in no particular hurry to start being a modern nation,
15 Since there was all that beer to drink,
16 mAnd all those pork dishes to eat,
17 And plenty of time to start trouble later.
CHAPTER 51 It turned out that most of the Krauts were pretty good at culture,
2 Except for the Prussian Krauts,
3 Who spent most of their time fighting duels and comparing their facial scars,
4 nWhich they had a lot of,
5 Because if you have a lot of scars all over your face,
6 You can't possibly be mistaken for a pig,
7 oSince pigs almost never fight with swords.
8 pThis convinced the Prussians that they were better than the other Krauts,
9 And so they decided to be a separate nation,
10 qAnd fight as many wars as possible,
11 rTo make sure that they could always have plenty of scars,
12 Which they always did,